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Yokluk Atlası // Ela Dincer



Yokluk Atlası

geçmiş: geçmeyen ıssızlığı şimdinin
ve gelecek dediğin ne varsa beklediğin
matlaşmış kör yılan derisi
hangi mevsim bırakıp
içinden çıkıp başka bir geleceğe taşınır gibi
ama bırakıp oracıkta. öylece. çıkıp gittiğindir
gelecek dediğin ne varsa beklediğin: yittiğindir
ayna kırılganlığından kendi yokluğuna.
yürüyor muyum. duruyor muyum
başı sonuna düğümlü yumak mıyım
kopar beni içimden
kaç kişiyim göreyim
kopar belirsizliğin kendini belli eden inceliğinden
inceldiğim yerden
bileyim yürümek mi bu durmak mı
keskin ve yabanıl kan ve kas yumağında!
düş
düşmeyen elmadır göğün tekil tarihinde
ve gerçek dediğin ne varsa bildiğin
bilmediğin diğer senlerin iç sesidir onlar
iç yasadır o. elmanın kurtlu tarafı
bir yarısı dişinde kalır diğer yarısı düşünde!
gidiyor muyum. kalıyor muyum
gittiğimde aslında nerede oluyorum
kaldığımda neredeyim
parçalansın tekliğe övgü bedenim. ayrışsın
şimdinin gelecekten kopardığı betimsiz oluş
geçmişin şimdiyi döllediği zehir
ve an: nerede olduğumun bir an’lık şaşkınlığı
ayrışsın zaman.
gidiyorsam ardımda o gölge bölsün. güneşten ışıklar.
hüznün prizmasında dağılan renkleri toparlasın:
koyu. karanlık. kaygan.
kalıyorsam: sarsılsın kütlemin yumaklandığı kök’üm
zehrimi akıtabileyim ateş dansında gövdeme ki bileyim
hüküm ben de mi. ben miyim yargısı ön kabullerin.
/nasıl da akrep kesiliyorum yer altı çekimine. şimdiden/
kollarım kanat olmalı diyorum. baş döndürücü çırpmalarla
şimdiden kanat olmalı kollarım ki bir solukta geçilmeli an
bacaklarım belki de hırçın bir at gövdesini taşımalı
soluğumla kabarmalı toprağın mayası döl vermeli
ve döl almalı belirsizliğin keskin uçlarından.
ağzım kuyu olmalı: derinliğe doğru genişleyen ve yüzeyinde kanlı
kırmızı
bir sesle açılan kuyu olmalı ağzım.
geçmiş geçmeyen ıssızlığı şimdinin
kol ve bacak ve ağız ve kaburga dengesine sinmiş organ kıvılcımları
gelecek. düş. gerçek…
ve sen ey devingen atlas
durma
yokluğa mıhla beni
:
kasıklarıma doğru hırçınlaşan tedirginliğin
farkında mısın!

Ela Dincer



Independent Literature Journal (Portal) from Turkey

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    Felsefe Notları; Akşamın sisiyle şafağın ışınları arasındaki ses. Herkes için, Kimse için !

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    P.E.N/TURKEY
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    Enis Batur
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    ne sanıyoruz şu ömür denilen kısa sihri? 'o süzülmüş', seçilmiş aşk cevheri var ya, işte ölümsüz olarak kalacak olan ancak odur!

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    Hakan İşcen
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    ÜÇ RENK
    3 renk
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    CYBERZENARCHY
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    "Gerçek olduğuna inandığın şeyle beslenmen! O neredeyse ve ne zamansa, senin de orada olmaklığın..." -Şenol Erdoğan

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    SubCulturia
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    SubCulturia:"New Media Theory Group" Projesini destekler..."

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    Oğuz Atay / Arşiv

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    Şair Çalışıyor/Dergi Arşivi

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    "Bir başka bakmak için..."

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